Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
