Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
