Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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