she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
