thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
