I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
