And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
