There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
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I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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