When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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