So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
