Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
