So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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