cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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