dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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