I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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