When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
