All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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