Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
