I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
