I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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