they said they heard you say put it in my butt
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
