She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
