i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
