did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
