I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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