ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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