A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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