I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
