i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
