I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
