Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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