I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
