and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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