i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
