when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
