no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
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I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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