Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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