My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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