She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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