Betty ford says i'm here all night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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