You're so nebulous sometimes
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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