i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
