So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
