Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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