You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
