When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
