Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
