I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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