so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
