oh god the rape fog is back!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
