We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she peed on how many people?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
