I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize