Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
