Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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