you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
