My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
