loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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