i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
