I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize