I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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