I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
