I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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