Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
