Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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