I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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