At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
