She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
