i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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