I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
