Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
