Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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