she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
