i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
