Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
