Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
this hospital has no fireball
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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