i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
