I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
