My nipple is on Facebook.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
