Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
