im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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