I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
